Session Overview#
In this unique session, the party is split into two groups for a critical heist mission. While Silas, Helisanna, and Ohma infiltrate the royal vaults to steal gold, Bru, Olivia, and Elspeth are tasked with acquiring a transport vehicle. What follows is an increasingly absurd encounter featuring dancing golems, a pristine Ford F-150, and one of the most elaborate product placement gags in D&D history.
The Mission Briefing#
Lady Corwin’s Assignment#
The session begins at resistance headquarters where Lady Corwin is pacing anxiously. She explains that while the main team handles the vault infiltration, she needs Bru, Elspeth, and Olivia to help “the triplets” - another resistance team that has become stuck dealing with golems in the lower vault levels.
Lady Corwin’s reasoning for team selection:
- Elspeth: “Great at vehicles” and essential for the transport truck
- Olivia: “She doesn’t go anywhere without you” (referring to their family bond)
- Bru: “My favorite. I know he’s going to get it done”
The team needs to secure the transport truck that’s supposedly being guarded by golems who are acting strangely in the garage area.
Meeting the Triplets#
The Dancing Golems#
Upon arriving at the vault’s freight elevator area, the party discovers a bizarre scene: three massive golems are dancing to disco music, with one figure trapped between them being forced to dance along. The golems are described as “gorgeous green golems” who insist that anyone in the area must dance.
The Triplets’ Introduction#
The resistance team known as “the triplets” consists of three very different individuals:
Thad Castle (played by Luke): A well-dressed dwarf in a full suit, beret, and sunglasses. Extremely rigid and uncomfortable with dancing, he’s the one trapped by the golems.
Brad (played by Taylor): Wearing thick Ray-Ban sunglasses, slicked-back pompadour, cardigan draped over shoulders, polo shirt, gaudy gold watch, and boat shoes. An absolute misogynist who won’t stop talking about his supposed romantic conquests.
Bart (played by Zack): A rough-looking character with yellow teeth from smoking, numerous unflattering scars, and permanent resting bitch face. Chain-smokes throughout the entire encounter.
Initial Attempts at Resolution#
Failed Diplomacy#
Olivia attempts to use her legendary reputation as Retired Detective Olivia Cooper to convince the golems to let them pass. Despite her fame (there was apparently a parade when she retired), the golems refuse, insisting everyone must dance or they won’t let anyone near the elevator.
The Dance Requirement#
The golems explain their simple rule: “If you’re going to be here, you got to dance, dude. We’re going to dance until we get tired.” When asked when they get tired, they respond: “Never been tired. I’m a golem.”
Magic Attempts#
Thad Castle tries casting Hold Person on the golems, but it fails as they’re constructs. The party realizes conventional magic won’t work on these enchanted guardians.
Combat Erupts#
Brad’s Escalation#
Growing impatient with the situation and wanting to “go score” with Jessica (a woman from an earlier scene), Brad manifests psychic daggers and attacks the golems, saying, “If Christy wasn’t clear, I do not respect women.”
The Dance Compulsion#
During combat, the golems use a special ability that forces charisma saving throws. Those who fail become compelled to dance:
- Bru fails and begins dancing uncontrollably
- Bart fails multiple saves and remains dancing for the entire fight
- Brad maintains his composure through sheer misogyny-fueled determination
Key Combat Moments#
- Brad is knocked unconscious after taking multiple hits from the angry golems
- Thad Castle stabilizes Brad, only for the golems to continue attacking, ultimately killing him
- Brad’s dying words: “Remember me as a sex icon”
- Bart remains trapped dancing, unable to help, with “one little tear drop” as he watches Brad die
The Ford F-150 Discovery#
The Perfect Vehicle#
While combat rages, the party discovers their target vehicle. What follows is Christopher delivering a three-and-a-half-minute monologue describing the 1751 Ford F-150 Platinum Plus in exhaustive detail:
Exterior Features:
- Antimatter blue metallic paint highlighting the vehicle’s assertive lines
- 22-inch polished aluminum wheels
- Satin aluminum grill
- Signature LED lighting by “Edgar Douly”
Interior Luxury:
- Supple smoked truffle leather seats with massage functionality
- 12-inch digital instrument cluster
- 12-inch center touchscreen with Sync 4 system and 5G connectivity
- 18-speaker B&O Unleashed sound system
Performance Specifications:
- 3.5L PowerBoost fully hybrid V6 engine
- 10-speed automatic transmission
- Maximum towing capacity of 12,700 pounds
- 7.2 kW Pro Power Onboard mobile generator
The monologue becomes increasingly absurd as party members alternate between playing along with the joke and expressing genuine frustration at the extended advertisement.
Securing the Vehicle#
The Iron Claws Guards#
Three Iron Claws members are discovered with the truck:
- One shooting tin cans from the truck bed
- Two lounging in the extended cab, eating grapes and listening to jazz
- All armed and ready to defend their luxurious position
Creative Chaos#
Bru immediately sets trash on fire with his Flaminator, creating a distraction while shouting that the garage is about to burn down. The party’s approach is characteristically chaotic:
- Olivia slashes a tire with her battle axe (though the Firestone tires can allegedly run 50 miles on a flat)
- Bru attempts to use his Force Ballista to push the truck backward
- Multiple party members Misty Step into the vehicle’s spacious cabin
The Sideways Gun Incident#
In a moment of dramatic irony, Elspeth turns her gun sideways (mimicking the guards’ poor technique) and scores a critical hit with Divine Smite, dealing 48 damage and covering the rear window with brain matter. This establishes sideways gun-holding as “Elspeth’s thing.”
Escape and Sacrifice#
Reuniting with Bart#
As the party prepares to leave, they find Bart still dancing with the golems, who have now decided to have a tea party. In a final dramatic moment, as they drive away, Bart is struck by a grappling hook and pulled from the truck bed, his lit cigarette floating in mid-air as he disappears into the background.
The Triplets’ Fate#
The session ends with the dramatic note: “The triplets are never seen again.”
Character Dynamics and Humor#
The Product Placement Gag#
The entire session becomes an extended joke about product placement, with party members increasingly either leaning into or rebelling against the Ford advertisement:
- Taylor and Ellis enthusiastically describe truck features
- Justin threatens physical violence if the advertisement continues
- Zack finds the entire situation hilarious
- The Discord chat fills with Ford-related jokes and threats
Memorable Quotes#
- Bru: “Your music sucks. Incredibly bad.”
- Brad: “Remember me as a sex icon” (dying words)
- Bart: “I’ll save you the only way I know how - by partying”
- Multiple party members: Variations on praising the Ford F-150’s features
Running Gags#
- The golems’ insistence that everyone must dance
- Brad’s constant misogyny and references to his romantic conquests
- The increasingly specific technical details about the Ford F-150
- Sideways gun-holding as a sign of either incompetence or mastery
Combat Mechanics and Tactics#
The Dance Mechanic#
The golems’ unique ability to force dance-based crowd control created an interesting tactical challenge, effectively removing party members from combat through failed charisma saves rather than traditional damage.
Vehicle as Weapon#
Elspeth uses the truck itself as a weapon, performing a burnout that crushes one of the remaining guards - described as being “fried like a banana.”
Coordinated Chaos#
Despite the comedic tone, the party demonstrates tactical thinking:
- Using distractions to split enemy attention
- Coordinating Misty Step entries into the vehicle
- Protecting fallen allies while maintaining pressure
Session Impact#
This session serves multiple purposes in the campaign:
Comic Relief#
After several intense sessions dealing with betrayals, bombings, and moral dilemmas, this absurdist interlude provides much-needed levity while still advancing the heist plot.
Character Development#
The “triplets” serve as dark mirrors to the main party - showing how dysfunctional and doomed a group without proper coordination and mutual respect would be.
Mechanical Success#
Despite the chaos and comedy, the party successfully acquires the transport vehicle needed for the gold heist, demonstrating they can accomplish objectives even while laughing at the absurdity.
Meta-Commentary#
The session becomes a masterclass in collaborative improvisation, with the DM’s commitment to the Ford bit creating a framework for increasingly elaborate jokes. The fact that Christopher spent “like an hour going back and forth with AI” to create the perfect vehicle description shows dedication to the bit that transcends normal game preparation.
The episode title “Truckgust F-150th” perfectly captures the absurdist spirit of the session, combining the truck focus with a play on dates that makes absolutely no sense - much like the session itself.
This interlude will likely be remembered as one of the campaign’s most memorable sessions, not for its dramatic stakes or character development, but for the sheer commitment to an increasingly elaborate joke about product placement in tabletop RPGs.